666 Mockingbird Lane
by ilovetvalot
Summary: When David Rossi buys his new wife the house of her dreams, will it turn out to be a nightmare for all of them? Join us for our special 666th story that will involve the entire BAU Team! Rossi/JJ humor and romance.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments.**_

_**Second, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:**_

_**First, we have opened our next challenge to participants. "The Future Fic Challenge" thread is open on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. Rules and explanation of the challenge are there as well. In short, choose one character and get assigned a random secondary character to tell a story set in the year 2022. It looks like a lot of fun.**_

_**We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you.**_

_**And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of April, anyone that reviews a Hotch related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum.**_

_**This week's author of the week is the talented klcm. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there.**_

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter One**

Dropping his head down on his hand, Dave Rossi sighed and rubbed his fingers against his aching temples as he squinted against the sun rays invading his office. If he was lucky, he might just manage to find a few minutes that morning to catch a quick nap. His schedule was clear…no cases, no reports, no interviews. Forty winks and he'd be a brand new man. Well, maybe not, fresh off the show floor new, but certainly closer to new as seen on some respectable used car lot somewhere.

But luck had not been on his side up this point, so he seriously doubted that he would be afforded that particular luxury. It was obvious the fates had been conspiring against him and that they didn't have any intention of changing their game plan any time soon. Whatever deity currently overseeing universal cosmic law obviously disliked him intently.

Seriously, whatever he had done to piss God off this time, he was more than willing to apologize profusely. Hell, he'd even throw in a few Hail Marys and a donation to the diocese if he thought it would help.

Wincing as he heard the sound of a fist falling against this office door, Dave turned slowly as he called out gruffly, "What?" Wincing at the sound of his own voice, he grabbed his head again, the throbbing almost unbearable.

"I take it this is not exactly a good time to discuss the budget?" Aaron Hotchner asked as he stepped into his Senior Agent's office, barely containing a grin as he took in the man seated behind the desk.

Although he had known Dave for more years than either one of them cared to count, Aaron had to admit that he'd very rarely seen Dave appear so fatigued. And that was a serious observation, considering he'd been an eye witness to Dave's full-fledged attempt in the eighties to date every single woman (and some married) on the Bureau payroll in less than six months. But even then, Rossi'd made haggard look good. This….this rumpled, askew Rossi was…different. And not in that good way, either.

Not even bothering to glance up at the unwelcome intruder, Dave growled, "What do you think, Aaron? Do I look like I'm in the mood to crunch numbers and haggle over monetary expenditures?"

"What I think is that marriage to JJ is….how do I put this delicately…kicking your ass, old man," Hotch replied baldly, grinning widely as he made himself at home in the seat across from Dave's desk. While Aaron hadn't exactly been on board at the beginning with the May to December romance, given Dave's well-publicized marital history and JJ's wariness concerning the male species in general, he found himself pleasantly surprised when the couple had actually successfully navigated the pitfalls that had plagued both of them with their previous relationships. And when Dave had slipped a ring on the finger of a very happy JJ, the entire Bureau stood behind them….literally and figuratively.

But obviously by the look on Rossi's face, this marriage was a bit more than he had bargained for.

Narrowing his eyes as he deigned to raise his gaze, Rossi snorted, regretting the effort as his headache worsened. "I'll thank you to keep your snide comments to yourself, jackass. My marriage is not the problem."

"Then you want to share why you look like you went 9 rounds with Frazier and lost?"

Reaching for his coffee mug that had been his most favored possession since he'd arrived at the Bureau that morning, Rossi drained the delicious caffeinated beverage. Dropping the empty cup to his desk, he let out a deep sigh. "That damned house that JJ just had to have is gonna be the death of me. And I mean that literally, man."

While Hotch had been expecting many different answers, that was not at the top of his list. "Dave, you've got more money than God himself. Why aren't you hiring someone to do the renovations? Surely JJ doesn't expect you to…."

Shaking his head wildly, Dave held up a hand. "I've got a contractor for all that crap, Hotch. I'm smart enough to stay away from wiring or plumbing in century old houses. But I have a feeling there's no professional that can help me with what JJ is convinced is really wrong with her dream house."

"Okay, Dave," Hotch said evenly, settling into the chair and crossing his legs. "What's wrong now?"

"JJ's convinced that we moved into a haunted house," Dave growled, dropping his head back on his outstretched hand. "And after last night's shenanigans, I'm beginning to believe she's right!"

Both dark eyebrows rose as he heard Dave's all-too serious words. His summary of his relatively new wife's fear did not sound like the levelheaded woman he'd worked with for years. "Are you sure you've correctly understood JJ's concerns, Dave?" Aaron questioned carefully.

"The alternative is that my wife is cuckoo for cocoa puffs, Hotch. Or demonically possessed. That one crossed my mind. I was damn tempted to call Father Jimmy about two in the morning," he muttered underneath his breath. "Which alternative would you prefer to have me believe?" he asked sarcastically, glaring at his oldest friend while reminding himself to tread carefully. After all, he needed all the allies he could find at the moment.

"I….I'm almost afraid to ask, but what sparked this belief in the supernatural for your perfectly sane wife?" Hotch asked uncertainly.

Shoulders sagging, Dave leaned his head back against his chair. "Pick something. The flickering lights….the strange noises in the attic and basement….the cold drafts…"

"She does realize that you purchased a rundown Victorian mansion, doesn't she?"

"You'd think so," Dave snorted, pressing his fingertips to his aching temples. "God knows, I reminded her enough when we were house hunting. But she kept coming back to that one. She said it had "character", he said, using air quotes. "Now, that character she found so endearing is driving me to drink," he grunted unhappily.

"There are perfectly logical explanations, Dave. JJ is a reasonable woman. I'm sure if you just calmly pointed out…"

"The faulty wiring? The old pipes? The lack of insulation?" Dave said caustically, cracking open one eyelid to glare at his less than helpful friend. "Do I look like I fell off the crazy train, Aaron? I tried the rational approach. Multiple frickin' times."

"But…"

"But, nothing, Aaron. NO-THING. Hell, by three am this morning, I was convinced that the spirits were doing the Macarena across the house. Do you know how many trips I made back and forth between the basement and the attic?"

"How many?" Hotch choked, trying to quell his laugh.

"I don't know! I lost count! But that Sally Struthers chick was on to something with the StairMaster. I ought to have buns of steel by now!" Frowning as the phone on his desk rang, Dave leaned forward and snatched it off the hook. "What?" he barked, unconcerned about who waited on the other end of the line. "Fine," he said, hanging up. "Garcia wants us in the war room. Evidently, she's found the answer to my prayers."


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._**

**_Second, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_**

**_First, we have opened our next challenge to participants. "The Future Fic Challenge" thread is open on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. Rules and explanation of the challenge are there as well. In short, choose one character and get assigned a random secondary character to tell a story set in the year 2022. It looks like a lot of fun._**

**_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._**

**_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of April, anyone that reviews a Hotch related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._**

**_This week's author of the week is the talented klcm. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._**

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Two**

Obviously, Penelope Garcia had zero intention of being the answer to his prayers. None at all. And as Dave stared at her in abject horror, he could only think that she was obviously in cahoots with the devil himself. It could be the only possible explanation for this newest hare-brained idea. She had to be one of Satan's minions since to torture him. Or at least his wallet.

Shaking his head as he glanced wildly around the war room, mystified as to why he appeared the only person among them baffled, Dave growled, "Say that again, Garcia. 'Cause I'm sure I misheard you."

Bouncing on her espadrilles, Garcia waved her legal pad in the air. "I said that we can solve all of your problems with those pesky ghosties and ghoulies with a simple visit from a spiritual cleanser! She comes highly recommended. says she's got a 98% success rate!"

Turning his face toward Hotch, his tired face grim, Dave asked, "What the hell have I done to offend God this much?"

Seeing the darkening look growing on her new husband's clenched face, JJ rested her hand against his arm as she said firmly, "Hear her out, Dave! What will it hurt?"

"My checkbook is what, babe!" Dave exclaimed, then let out a deep breath as he saw the hurt look cross his wife's face. Capturing her hand in his, he said quickly, "But I'll do whatever makes you happy concerning that house." Smiling grimly, he turned back to Garcia as he said, his tone resigned, "Tell me what this means, Penelope. What the hell is a spiritual cleansing? And couldn't a priest do it cheaper?"

"Told you he'd cave. You owe me twenty," Morgan whispered to Reid, both men seated across the table and listening in rapt attention to the hilarious topic being discussed.

Rapping her legal pad against the table, Garcia trilled, "Pay attention, my little chocolate love muffin! This is gonna require everyone's presence if this is to work out!" Barreling forward before Morgan could object, she turned to Rossi with a wide smile. "Madame Crystallique is a genius at multi-plane spiritual communication. And we're so lucky she is available tonight! She's usually booked months in advance."

"I bet," Dave grunted, curling his nose as she slid a piece of paper in front of his nose. "What's this?" he asked, leaning forward to frown down at the paper.

"And somebody explain to me why exactly Agent Rossi needs to employ a cleanser for his home," Reid implored them, looking around in confusion.

JJ shuddered, cringing at Spencer's question. "It's haunted!"

Propping his chin on his hand, Morgan shook his head. "You bought a house located at _666_ Mockingbird Lane, Jayje. What did you _expect_?"

Rolling his eyes, Spencer pursed his lips. "You realize the evil connotations associated with that number are largely amplified by the media. It's a hoax. They meant to inspire mass fear. I haven't seen any convincing scientific data to support the theory of haunting, JJ."

"Oh, yeah. You'll see," JJ snapped, narrowing her eyes as she glared at the man who was supposedly her pseudo-brother. "I say we put Reid in the basement," she added with a look at Penelope that plainly made her irritation with the young genius patently clear.

"Well, I'd say mission accomplished on the inspiring fear thing," Emily Prentiss snickered behind her hand, at least making an attempt to hide her amusement from JJ.

"And Emily can take the attic," JJ said with a glare toward the brunette agent near the end of the table.

Glancing around the table and letting his eyes land on technical genius at the front of the table, Derek Morgan demanded, "Why exactly do we all have to be there for this shindig, anyway?"

Tapping the bald man on the top of his bare head with a fluffy-headed pencil, Garcia declared, "Because Madame Crystallique is certain that the entire family needs to be present to ensure that the spirits are properly cleansed, lovebunny!"

"Well, that was about as clear as mud," Morgan muttered under his breath as he heard Dave let out a muffled curse.

Blinking as he reread the paper in front of him, Dave's jaw dropped. "Two hundred fifty dollars an hour," he balked, his eyes widening as he looked at the figures again.

"Or a grand for the whole night deluxe package," Penelope pointed out eagerly. "It's a steal!" she enthused, rubbing a hand over Dave's stiff shoulder.

"It's a robbery," Dave retorted, flushing as he felt his eyes widening in horror.

"It's less expensive than purchasing JJ a new house," Aaron managed to say without chuckling, looking between his oldest friend and his dearest friend.

"And I'm sure as hell betting that our homeowner's insurance won't cover this," Dave growled as he glared down at that offensive rate sheet again. "Although, maybe we can deduct it as a home improvement at tax time," he quipped dryly.

Chuckling, Morgan leaned forward and rested his chin on his fist again. "I so wanna see you put that past the IRS. Somehow, I don't think Allstate is exactly prepared for this type of mayhem, man."

"Neither are we," JJ declared, crossing her arms over her chest as she turned in her chair to glare at her husband. "Dave, we've got to do something! I just can't stand the thought that my perfect house isn't so perfect after all! And another night like last night?" she said, pausing to shake her head, "The ghost won't need to haunt us….one of us will kill the other and then it will have company!"

Hearing the plaintive tone in his wife's voice, Dave knew that his boat was not only sunk -it had been torpedoed. "_It's sink or swim time….fish or cut the damn line_," he thought morosely to himself. Passing the paper over his shoulder back toward an impatiently hovering Garcia, Dave let out a sigh as he turned to smile at his wife, resigned to spending an astronomical sum to a certifiable whack job. "We'll do whatever you want, honey. And if it's this voodoo magic that you want, then that's what we're gonna do." Turning to glare at the rest of the assembled team, he added, his tone brooking no argument, "And by God, all of you will be there for the evening's festivities. If we're going to bring in some mumbo-jumbo spouting wizard into my midst then you all are going to keep your eyes glued to her for any hanky panky hocus pocus. By God, she can perform for a whole audience."

"And, be warned," JJ muttered as she wrinkled her nose, only half kidding, "the price of admission may be your soul."

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?" Emily asked JJ gently.

"She's married to Dave," Hotch said with a rare grin. "She's had ample example."

"And on that note," Penelope said brightly, "We'll see you all at six sharp at JJ and Dave's casa magnifique. It's BYOB."

"Bring your own bottle?" Dave asked, confused.

"Bring your own broomstick." Penelope smiled over her shoulder. "Toodles for now!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._

_First, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_

_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._

_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of MAY, anyone that reviews a ROMANCE related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._

_This week's author of the week is the talented Bren Gail. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Three**

Sighing as he led his new wife into the brightly lit foyer of his new home, Dave listened carefully before he dropped his coat on the nearby bench. "So far, so good," he said, forcing a hopeful tone into his voice as he squeezed JJ's hand, pulling her over the threshold of their home, her reluctance to enter obvious.

"Don't get your hopes up," JJ snorted, glancing warily around the small area before taking a hesitant step into the kitchen. A quick glance around assured her that the only thing frightening in that room was the fifties-style wallpaper that she one day intended to have blasted off. Glancing back as Dave followed her into the room, she added ominously, "You know it only starts up later at night. It was after nine when the first light flickered, if you remember correctly."

"Oh, I don't think I'll be forgetting any time soon," he grumbled, pulling open the refrigerator and plucking a beer from the door. "You know this damned thing will probably not make a single sound tonight, babe, and our friends will think we're both bat shit crazy." Watching as JJ wheeled on her heel to glare at him, he held up one hand as he added helpfully, "It may be like a taking the car to the mechanic. You get it there and it doesn't make the same noise it did on the road. That's all I'm saying, JJ," he said, launching into defensive territory before she could skewer him with the heat from her gaze.

"Oh, it'll show up. It has to so we can stop it. I can't suffer another repeat of last night," JJ assured him as she leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms over her chest. "Besides, Garcia assures me that Madame Crystallique can coax any supernatural critter out."

"Who the hell has a name like Crystallique, JJ?" Dave asked doubtfully, taking another step back into the territory of the unknown. "I'm pretty sure the only coaxing tonight will be her coaxing my hard earned cash from our bank account. I still say that we call Father Jimmy…."

"We called him last night, Dave," JJ retorted as she waved her hand in the air. "He's in Boston and not due to be back until the weekend. There's no way we can wait that long," she denied, yelping and diving toward him as a groan seemed to emanate from the wall behind her.

"Sweetheart," Dave sighed as she shook against him, "It could be…"

"I swear to God, if you say the pipes, our poltergeist is going to be the least of your worries!" JJ whispered violently, her eyes glued to the wall until the noise suddenly ceased as quickly as it had appeared.

"Okay," Dave soothed, keeping his arm wrapped around her and pressing his lips against her temple until she relaxed against him. "Why don't you go upstairs and take a shower before everybody gets here?" he suggested, smoothing his hand over her hip reassuringly.

"Let me get this straight," JJ began as she stared up at him incredulously, "You want me to go upstairs into a bathroom that looks like a scene from Psycho and take a shower inside a haunted house?"

"Alright, when you put it that way," Dave said with a nod, "I can see your point. We'll move the bathroom remodel up to the top of the list on our home improvements," he offered warmly, stealing a kiss.

"This has to work," JJ groaned, looking furtively around the seemingly innocuous kitchen. In a few hours, it would be a hotbed of supernatural activity if the previous night was any indication. Even now, she could swear she could feel invisible eyes watching her, silent laughter amused at her discomfort.

Tightening his arms around her, Dave rested his chin against JJ's silky hair. "May I point out that you are the one that insisted this house had character?"

"I wanted character! Not characters!" Pressing her lips together, she groused, "And I didn't realize they were interactive, though! At least now we know why it remained on the market so long."

"I think that had more to do with the asking price than any extras the joint came with," Dave grunted, wincing as JJ twisted a handful of his chest hair. "I'm just sayin', Bella," he yelped.

"You know, I didn't realize you had such a penchant for being cheap before we said 'I do,' Dave," she complained.

"I'm not cheap," he replied with a widening grin, "I'm thrifty. Or, frugal, if you prefer. And, unlike some others that shall remain nameless, I can recognize a charlatan when I have one shoved at me. A cosmic cleanser, babe? Really? There's still time to cancel this freak show, you know," he beseeched her.

"I'm a desperate woman, Rossi," JJ replied stiffly. "If there is even the slightest chance that this…"

"Whack job?" Dave supplied helpfully, wincing when JJ's fingers tightened again.

"…that this _professional_ can help eliminate our problem and alleviate some of the bad karma blowing through this house, then I say that it's worth it!" she growled, her eyes defying him to find further argument.

Never one to leave well enough alone, Dave shook his head. "It's a waste of time and money, JJ."

"As you've pointed out multiple times since you convinced me to marry you, it's _our_ money now. And I'm using part of those funds to rid my house of creepy crawlies. Deal with it."

Seeing the determined set of her chin as she met his stare defiantly, Dave sighed. "Fine," he muttered. "But if this doesn't work…."

"We're moving," JJ stated flatly, stomping her foot against the worn linoleum.

"Honey, we just got settled and the renovations just began. What I was going to suggest is that you might give some thought to the theory that some of these things might not be malevolent."

"Something pinched my ass in the bathroom last night. Not only is it malevolent, but it's perverted, too!" JJ shouted, taking a step back to glare at her husband.

"You're suggesting we have a Peeping Poltergeist?" Dave choked on his amusement.

Sidling closer, JJ smiled sweetly. "What I'm _suggesting, _David, is that if you _ever_ hope to exercise your husbandly rights with my person again, you will find a way for this home to be spirit free. So, I would assume you have a_ very_ vested interest in tonight being an unwavering success, wouldn't you?

Now, what the hell was he _supposed_ to say when she made those kinds of convincing arguments? Saved from incriminating himself with further thoughtless comment by their ringing doorbell, he squeezed her hips. "I'll just make myself useful and get the door."


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._**

**_First, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_**

**_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._**

**_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of MAY, anyone that reviews a ROMANCE related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._**

**_This week's author of the week is the talented pandorabox82. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._**

**_Oh! And skip on over to the forum and sign up for our "Challenge Within A Challenge" fic writing exercise! We'd love to have each of you to participate!_**

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Four**

Derek Morgan grinned widely as he stood on the wide front porch of the Victorian home. And as David Rossi opened the door, Morgan couldn't keep himself from chuckling at the affronted look on the older man's face. "Don't tell me the ghosties and ghoulies have already made an appearance, man!"

"I'll thank you to keep those thoughts to yourself, Morgan," Dave snapped as he rubbed a hand over his jaw. Glancing around at the empty porch, he asked, "You didn't bring Garcia with you? I figured she'd want to be here ASAP."

Hitching his bag on his shoulder as Rossi motioned him inside, Morgan grinned again. "Oh, Mama'll be here soon. She wanted to meet Madame Crystallique at the main intersection so she could lead her out here."

"Oh, great," Rossi snorted as he motioned Morgan into the kitchen. "The psychic can't find her way without help. I'm not paying for a quack at all, am I?"

"Now, Rossi," Morgan consoled as he dropped down into a kitchen chair, "the woman's not a psychic. She's a spiritual cleanser, remember?"

"What I remember is that I have obviously been hoodwinked into the con of the century," Dave growled, just as the doorbell rang again. "And your woman is aiding and abetting the culprit," he said with a pointed glare at Morgan as he reached for the brass doorknob again. "Oh, look. It's the Three Stooges," he greeted the newest guests sarcastically. "Come on in, join this farce of a night," he invited, holding open the door as Hotch, Emily and Reid filed inside.

"Way to remain positive, Dave," Emily teased, flashing the older man a smile.

"Oh, I'm positive," Dave returned grouchily. "I'm positive this woman is gonna try to fleece me out of everything but my shirt," he added grumpily. "You're the sane leader of this fearless crew," Dave implored Hotch, "Can't you go try to reason with her?"

"Absolutely not." Aaron shook his head as he followed Dave into the house. "First, if you can't get through to your wife, her boss isn't gonna fare any better. And second, JJ frightens me a little bit….that wild look in her eyes." He shuddered. "It looks a little demonic."

"Great!" Dave retorted. "If I let you talk to her, she'll think she's been possessed. What about you, Bean Pole? You can't honestly tell me that you don't think this is ridiculous," he challenged Reid. "Go talk to your friend in there and tell her this is a bunch of hokey crap designed to rob our bank accounts," he charged Spencer Reid, pointing at the kitchen.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy," Reid quoted sagely.

"Really? You wanna quote Shakespeare now? You know what? I bet good ole Willy's wife never went and employed a whack job to rid their home of a fake ghost that is nothing more than a figment of her imagination!"

Clearing her throat, Emily Prentiss pointed unobtrusively toward the door behind Dave's shoulder.

"Shit," Dave muttered, closing his eyes. "She's behind me, isn't she?"

"Bet you hoping for a poltergeist right about now," Aaron muttered, shooting Dave a sympathetic look.

"It's okay," Emily chuckled. "By the look on JJ's face, he'll be a ghost himself pretty soon."

"She won't kill 'im," Morgan said with a shake of his head. "She'll just make him wish he was dead."

Turning on his heel, Dave held his hands out in front of him. "Now, Bella," he said in that soothing voice he reserved for utter psychos and small children, "I didn't mean…."

"To imply that your wife was insane?" JJ spat, her hands on her hips as she stalked across the room to shove her hand against Dave's chest. "YOU heard those noises, too! And you weren't the one that was felt up during your shower! Now, if you don't want to begin house hunting with me again, then I suggest you climb aboard the train, Dave, BEFORE it runs you over!"

"Okay, JJ," Dave nodded. "You'll have my full cooperation from here on out," he assured her. Seeing her look of derision, he amended quickly, "Okay, I'll at least try to curb my complaints and keep my cynicism to a minimum."

"That's better," JJ muttered.

Never a stupid man, Rossi gave a momentary prayer of thanks that his wife was currently distracted. Otherwise, her retribution would have been swift, but sure. "Who wants a drink?" Dave asked, looking around the foyer. "I could use a scotch," he muttered under his breath as he stomped into the den and headed for the liquor cabinet in the corner.

"I'm fine," Emily demurred.

Morgan rubbed his hands together as he nodded. "Beer, if you got it."

"Scotch is fine," Aaron replied as he watched Dave splash a healthy shot into his glass.

Glancing over at the cabinet, Reid asked hopefully, "White wine spritzer?"

"You are such an amateur," Morgan snorted, clapping Reid on his bony back.

"Personally, I want to remain sober and observe this cleanser's technique," Reid replied evenly. "One is never too old nor young to learn new things."

Biting his tongue on the scathing retort he furiously wanted to yell, Dave belted his scotch instead. Silence was golden, wasn't it? It could speak volumes. And if that was indeed true, it should be shrieking at his wife.

Nervously pacing the length of the room, casting anxious glances out the picture window every time she passed, JJ scowled. "What time did they say they'd be here?" she asked Morgan.

"Any time now," he replied, sipping his beer. "But if you don't sit down, you're gonna have to add flooring to the list of renovations this place needs."

Opening her mouth to reply, JJ gasped as the walls seemed to moan around them and the hardwood floor vibrated beneath her feet, stopping as quickly as it had began. "Oh, God, it's starting early tonight."

"Pipes," Dave, Aaron, Morgan and Emily said in unison.

"That sound is not coming from the pipes!" JJ yelled, eyeing the walls fearfully. "There's no water running anywhere!"

Sighing heavily as JJ took several steps into the center of the room, Dave looked at Hotch. "See what I'm dealing with?"

* * *

_**Guys, I'd appreciate any feedback you could offer. For those that have time, please pop off a review. For those that don't, thank you all for reading!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE**: _Just a quick explanation to those of you not aware of what's been happening in the wonderful world of fanfic. Recently, www. fanfiction. net has been doing a mass purge of all the "M" rated stories on their site. In an effort to avoid my work being taken down for good, I, instead, chose to take them down myself until the purge is over and everything has settled down. In the meantime, I will continue to publish my "T" and below rated work on www. fanfiction. net, while my "Mature Adult" rated work (for the time being only) is going to be published at The Writers Coffee Shop ( www. thewriterscoffeeshop library/ viewuser. php?uid=59099… remove the spaces to make this into a real web address). Please contact me if you need further directions. Direct links to the currently updated story can be found on my facebook page at Ilovetvalot fanfiction_

_In order to access the stories on The Writers Coffee Shop, you will need to register for an account (they guard the M-rated stories from young eyes). It is completely free and takes about 1 minute to complete the registration process! Once you are at The Writers Coffee Shop, click Login in the upper right corner. Then choose Register in the middle of the page. Follow the directions to register, and remember that you don't have to complete any of the fields that don't have asterisks! We hope you'll take the short trip to our new home for our more mature work and visit us soon!_

_The good news is that as I repost stories there, they are getting an OVERHAUL. That's right, folks! New stuff is being added to old stories. Also, two of my ongoing epics (because of their mature content) are only being published there as well. "Touched by an Angel" and "You Found Me" are the epics that are only available there! They are now uploaded as well as rejuvenated stories, "Consuming Fires" (a Dave/Emily), "Afterglow (a Dave/JJ), "Tulips" (a Dave/Emily), "Delicious Depravity" (Rossi/Erin/Aaron), "A Little Less Talk" (a Hotch/Em/Rossi) and another ongoing epic, "Learning to Love Again". Come by and check it out!_

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**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Five**

Turning on her heel with a flourish, Jennifer Rossi glared at her husband as she hissed, "Oh, you haven't dealt with anything yet, David Rossi. I still have many ways to make your life a living hell if you don't find a way to GET RID OF WHATEVER IS HAUNTING MY HOUSE!"

If there was ever a time that David Rossi was glad to be saved by the bell, it was then. Letting out a sigh of relief as he heard the chimes of the doorbell, he cast his sweetest smile at his wife as he said supportively, "And I am sure that whoever is on the other side of our door is going to help do just that, sweetheart!" Moving quickly toward the door, he muttered under his breath, "Or there's going to be more than one dead body before this night is over."

Jerking open the door with a flourish, Dave barely had a moment to think before Penelope Garcia barreled into the foyer, dragging a woman draped in flowing scarves and beads that drug against the hardwood floor.

"Have no fear, my little petrified pumpkin!" Garcia exclaimed with a loud trill as she pushed the newcomer in front of JJ. "As promised, I have delivered the tri-state's most authoritative expert on spiritual cleansing." Grinning widely, she proclaimed, "Ladies and gents, I present Madame Crystallique!"

"I give discounts if more than three spirits are found in any one establishment," the raven-headed newcomer added in a voice that sounded as if she had just coughed up what was left of her aged lung.

Seeing JJ's face tighten, Penelope quickly waved a hand. "Let's hope to only be dealing with a stunning singular sensation, Madame. Let me introduce you to everyone here to participate in the occasion."

"It's not a wedding, Garcia," Dave grumbled. "It's a fleecing," he muttered to Aaron, exchanging a look with the only other man he was sure was as sane as he.

Ignoring Dave, Madame Crystallique stepped forward and pushed back her beaded hat with a flourish. "Hello, fellow Cosmic Travelers of the Universe, I am Madame Crystallique, spirit walker and guide. I see a rainbow of auras in the room. Mostly pure, which is good," she nodded approvingly, her bracelets jangling as she gestured toward Penelope. "I've already been introduced to the sweetest yellow light I've ever seen. Penelope, introduce me to your friends, my darling girl."

Penelope beamed at praise. "Of course."

Of course, the whack job currently inhabiting his home would choose Garcia as the cruise director for this voyage through hell, Dave thought morosely. The spirited analyst clearly believed the charlatan had something valuable to offer them. All snake oil salespeople could smell an easy mark at ten paces.

Reaching past Dave to snag JJ's arm, Penelope pulled the woman forward. "Madame Crystallique, this is JJ, the woman I was telling you about. She and Dave own the house."

Tilting her head as her eyes became unfocused, as if she was trying to find some invisible force with her stare, the older woman smiled and squeezed JJ's hand. "You, my dear, are pure of heart, the serenity of the home."

"I don't know about that," JJ murmured as she grimaced, "It's not been exactly calm around here."

"Then I shall do what I can to assist with that," Crystallique declared with a nod of her dark head. "I can already sense a low level of discord in the home."

"Yeah, but I think that's between the owners of the house, not the ghosties," Morgan snickered, quickly averting his gaze from Dave's glowering face.

"Ah, a comedian," Crystallique chided lightly, gliding forward to peer up at Morgan. "But, you…you are a believer," she murmured to herself, staring into Derek's eyes. "Your faith is incredibly strong despite the facade you promote. A kind soul…your color is good. This is….?" she asked with a glance toward Penelope before looking back into Derek's face.

"Oh, this is the Stud Muffin that I was telling you about. Derek Morgan."

Looking back up at the taller man's face, she shook her head. "It is an act," she said as she smiled. "His light beckons yours, dear."

Shifting her gaze to the slim man beside Morgan, Crystallique lifted an eyebrow. "Now, you are a curious one," she commented lightly. "You search for answers everywhere along this spiritual plane."

"That might be because he's our resident genius," Garcia explained with a smile. "Madame, this is Dr. Spencer Reid."

"Never stop questioning the universe, little one," Crystallique counseled, patting Reid's cheek with her narrow fingers. "The answers of infinite," she said sagely, before turning to the dark haired woman to her left. "And you? Your aura….so secretive, so mysterious? It's intriguing. Who are you?"

"Emily Prentiss," Emily introduced herself warily, shaking the other woman's hand, the heavy rings pressing into her skin.

"Be of ease, my friend. I have no ulterior motives here," Crystallique said softly, her eyes boring into Emily's.

"Yeah, right," Dave muttered, rolling his eyes as he shifted his weight from foot to foot.

Ignoring the comment, Crystallique continued her circuit around the room. "Ah, and you are a man in control," she said as she stared at the dark-headed man who stood woodenly. "Your aura suggests you are a man always in command. I surmise you must be the Boss Man that our Penelope refers to, yes?"

Watching as Aaron Hotchner lifted his chin slightly, Dave gave the woman credit for knowing intuitively what to say. Most cons did.

"Aaron Hotchner," Hotch greeted her pleasantly, though his gaze was skeptical.

"And finally, Madame Crystallique, this is Agent Large and In Charge, David Rossi," Penelope declared as she grinned at Dave. "Known in equal parts for his profiling skills and his cynicism."

Narrowing her eyes on the scowling man, she shook her head grimly. "_You_ could be a problem," she declared gravely. "Dark…dark aura. You are a Doubting Thomas."

"No, I'm a Doubting David," Dave said sarcastically. "But I agreed to give this a shot to make my wife happy so here I am."

"Your negative energy could influence the outcome here tonight and jeopardize everything," Crystallique warned ominously.

Seeing JJ's eyes glitter dangerously, Dave inhaled deeply. "I'll be the picture of cooperation. Just tell me where to throw the chicken blood."


	6. Chapter 6

**FORUM NEWS: Several fun things going on NOW on the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum on !**

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**5. The thread "The Dog Days of Summer" mini-challenge. Come by and write a story for this fun summer challenge.**

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Six**

"Dave!" JJ snapped, stepping forward and putting herself in front of her husband as she said firmly, "He's going to cooperate. Completely." Glancing over her shoulder, she added ominously, "Or he'll be dealing with more than the unseen, I can guarantee you that."

"Oh, I've dealt with the doubting and the skeptical before, my dear," Madame Crystallique said silkily, completely ignoring the snort coming from the tall man behind the petite blonde. Smiling mysteriously, she glanced around the room as she declared, "Now this is a fine house. Generations have been blessed to call it their home."

"And some of them are apparently still here, aren't they?" JJ asked warily, unconsciously leaning back against Dave in spite of her earlier anger. Feeling his arms wrap around her waist and pull her closer, she muttered, "Maybe we should show them the deed so they'll know that we have the law on our side."

Penelope shook her head just then as she said, "Sugar button, I don't think the ghosties are going to be impressed by a piece of paper. Worldly possessions have no real meaning to those in the afterlife, right, Crystal? The spirit gravitates toward the place where their energy is revitalized."

Nodding sagely, Madame Crystallique drew up to her full height, her bangles and beads tinkling. "You are correct. We must first cleanse the negative energy and replace it with a positive, life-affirming energy that will encourage the previous inhabitants to exist in calmness and unity."

"W-wait," JJ said with a shake of her head, sinking back against Dave once again. "You're suggesting that we co-exist with whatever entity is in our house."

"Satan's sublets," Morgan choked under his breath, ducking his head to hide his laughter as Emily's fingers pinched his arm. "What?" he asked innocently, seeing the condemning looks surrounding him. "It was _funny_."

"You assume this is an evil presence." Crystallique sighed, waving a hand through the air as she turned back toward a wary JJ. "It's a common misassumption. More likely than not, the spirit is simply confused, my dear. Both you and your husband have displaced their energy when you moved in here. You changed the dynamic."

"Last I checked, our name on the deed confirmed we could do that," Dave groused behind JJ. "It also means that I'm fairly certain that I'm within my legal right to evict all former occupants from this dwelling! Finders keepers, lady! Possession is nine tenths the law and I like my odds considering my corporeal form."

"I think you might be underestimating the determination of an incarnation that does not wish to move forward unto another cosmic plane," Crystallique said mildly, wagging her finger at the couple in front of her. "I've found that a cooperative outlook is usually the most effective method. I specialize in finding a way to provide the balance for two life forces to simultaneously exist in the same mortal realm."

"Let me be clear," JJ said tightly, her fingers clutching at Dave's supportive arm. "I do not share. Not my house. Not my husband. Not my cosmic anything. I want it gone. Banished. Evicted. Can you do that or not?" she asked anxiously, vibrating with tension.

Staring at JJ a long moment, Crystallique murmured, "You really can not learn to live in accord with the occupants from the Other Side?"

"I think the Rossis would prefer a single entity home," Aaron remarked calmly, biting the inside of his jaw to keep from smiling. "And the family in question would be them alone."

"Unless the spirits wanna contribute to the monthly mortgage payment," Dave grumbled, doubling over as JJ elbowed him in the chest.

Nodding slightly, Madame Crystallique squared her shoulders. "It can be done, but will be notably more difficult."

"Actually," Reid mused aloud from the corner of the room, scratching his chin as he pondered Dave's gruff statement, "wouldn't the alleged spirits have a prior claim to occupancy here? I mean, they paid for the home once already. And realty law has been shown to favor the original owners in any case of dispute."

Tightening his arms around JJ's waist when she would have charged the younger man, Dave reminded her gently, "You love that genius."

Stepping between Reid and JJ, Emily held up her hands. "Reid, I think a soul gives up his occupancy status when he or she dies. Let's move past it, okay? Do you have any idea where you'd like to start , Madame?" she asked, trying to distract a livid JJ.

"If you insist on eliminating the former energies from the home, each room will need to be cleansed," the elder woman declared, sweeping her arm over the room. "This will be a lengthy affair that will best be accomplished by us splitting into pairs. Each couple will take a room and burn sage incense. I'll visit every room and offer the token prayers and guide the spirit to another realm.

"You want us to go alone into these haunted rooms?" Morgan asked slowly, his eyes wide as beads of sweat appeared on his shiny head. "I'm not sure splittin' up is the answer!" He shook his head, nervously looking around for support.

Penelope frowned at her friend. "Derek, are you all right?"

"Uhmmm, hell no!" he yelped. "I've seen this movie already, guys. It usually ends with the ethnic guy getting murdered _first_. I say we stay together!"

"D, are you scared?" Emily cackled as Morgan's pupils dilated.

"Uh, _yeah_. In case you missed it, the pretty white chick usually makes it out of the movie alive, Prentiss," Morgan retorted, glaring at his colleague.

"It's okay, my sweet baboo." Garcia patted his cheek as she smiled sweetly. "Mama will keep you safe. We'll team together, Crystallique."

"Good, the mouthy one and the big silent one can be paired together, as well," Crystallique declared, gesturing at Emily and Hotch. "And of course David and his Jennifer will be another pair. The wise one can accompany me. We'll do this room by room," she said firmly.

"And afterword, my house will be presence-free," JJ said hopefully, nodding as if she needed to do something to believe.

"Other than your husband," Crystallique countered as she nodded once, glaring at the man who was determined to ruin her well-tested methods. "I'm sorry but there isn't much I can do for the bad spirit housed within the living," she said, sniffing superiorly. "We will begin upstairs and work our way down. Just remember, the dead only have as much power over us as we allow them. Fear feeds their excitement."

"Then these ought to be some hungry motherfu…"

Slapping a hand over Derek's mouth, Penelope smiled. "Lead the way, Madame."

* * *

_Hello, friends! If you've been looking for our M-rated stories, we've found a new home for them! After fanfiction. net began to purge M-rated stories that were questionable according to their Terms of Service, we voluntarily removed our stories and are in the process of loading them on The Writer's Coffee Shop (thewriterscoffeeshop DOT com...make that a real address)._

_To find us, visit TWCS and then choose Library. Then click Authors, choose the I category, then ilovetvalot. Our stories will be listed for you to read!_

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_We are continuing to post on , and we enjoy this site very much. However, in order to be in compliance with 's rules, we will be posting our M-rated stories at TWCS, and we will also post certain chapters of our epic stories at TWCS if the chapter strays into the M-rating. We will be updating our profile page very soon to provide you with links and to keep everyone updated on exactly where our stories are located!_

_**WE UPDATED OUR ROSSI/GARCIA EPIC, "TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL", AT THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP. STOP BY AND CHECK OUT CHAPTER 15, ALONG WITH SOME OTHER FUN STORIES ALREADY UPLOADED THERE! WE HAVE ALSO PUBLISHED A COMPLETELY NEW "M" STORY CALLED "AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW" AT THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP! PLEASE CHECK IT OUT.**_

_We truly appreciate your continued support, and we look forward to providing you with many more stories in the future! Again, we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused any of you._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum news: I'll try to keep it brief.**_

_August signups are open through July 31, 2012 for the "It's a Heat Wave Challenge!" Details can be found at the forum._

_New thread called, "What We're Reading Right Now!" is up and available for comment. We're asking readers and authors to tell us the first five books listed on their Kindle or e-reader (or, even their bookshelf)._

_Please check out an additional new thread called "Cover Girls…the New Option for covers on . Read and share helpful tips for creating story covers on the site._

_A continued thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read, review, favorite and alert our stories here on this site. We truly enjoy hearing from each one of you. Also, please check out our "M" stories at __**The Writers Coffee Shop (TWCS)**__ and a Brand New site run by fellow CM authors, Kavi Leighanna, Sienna27 and The Truth Between called __**Fractured-reality. Com**__. If anyone needs a link or direction to the new site, please feel free to contact us through either a private message or while leaving a review and we'll make sure to get back to you. Each former "M" story is getting an overhaul as we publish it AND there are new stories being added all the time there as well. Currently we are adding new and updated chapters to our very first femslash story, __**"FREEDOM OF A NEW EXPERIENCE"**__. Again, we'll be happy to answer any questions you have. As always, we own nothing other than our plots and original characters._

_**Also, for anyone following the story, "That's What She Said", the final chapter is available at both Fractured-Reality. Com and The Writers Coffee Shop.**_

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Seven**

Trudging along behind his wife as she all but pulled him forward, David Rossi took a moment to reflect upon his current situation. On one hand, he loved Jennifer with a passion that far exceeded any previously conceived notion of love that he would have once laid claim to. She was the beginning and end of his day, and filled all of the moments in between with a life and passion that he had never realized existed until he met her.

Okay, he was waxing poetic, but it was all true. Until JJ, he'd been walking around half alive. His heart might have been beating in his chest, the blood still pumping in his veins, but if the truth was known, he'd just been marking time until he took that long eternal dirt nap. Jennifer had changed that, bringing color and emotion back into his world.

And yet, on the other hand, which was apparently being literally squeezed within an inch of its life, that same passion that he adored often manifested itself, too, in moments just like this one. Moments where he'd promise their firstborn child to anyone that could introduce his wife to a little commodity known as SANITY. And he had a feeling that if he was ever going to find a happy medium between the yin and the yang that was his wife's emotions, it was going to start with evicting the unlawful inhabitants of his new home. Hell, he wasn't sure if they were real or imagined, and at this point, he didn't give two shits put together. He just wanted them gone.

His wife was going to drive _him_ batshit crazy without any help from their alleged ghost.

"Hurry up, Dave," JJ urged, tugging hard against his solid fingers. "I want to make sure that we are in place before she starts. Do you have the candles she gave us?"

Sighing, Dave forced himself to consider his words before he blurted out his thoughts. It was highly unlikely that JJ would appreciate being told that the ghostly beings weren't actually in any hurry to leave so time was not exactly going to be an issue. Instead, he pulled back against her hand, drawing her to him as he dropped a kiss against her surprised lips. "Babe, I'm right here with you, candles and all. We're in this together, remember?"

Relaxing for a moment as his warm lips moved over hers, she almost allowed herself to forget that they had a houseful of people currently spread through the second level of their two story home preparing to help them evict an evil spirit intent on ruining her life. Yeah, his kisses were _that_ good. It wasn't until she felt his devious fingers snap the hem of her skirt and dance up the back of her thigh that she remembered they had a mission to complete her. An important one!

Batting away his hand, she turned in his arms and reached for the decorative dish of potpourri on the dresser. "Stop that, Rossi," she ordered sternly, upending the dried flowers into the trash can and lifting the plastic bag of dried sage held in her fist. "We've got work to do," she announced, dumping the contents of the baggy into the crystal dish and wrinkling her nose at the pungent aroma.

"I'd rather do my wife." Dave grinned, dipping his head to nibble the side of her neck as he pressed himself against her back.

Shivering as he nipped the tender skin of her collar bone, JJ fumbled with the lighter. "Would you stop that? I refuse to perform in front of an unseen audience," she grumbled, looking warily around the seemingly empty room.

Groaning as she wriggled against him, Dave dropped the candles onto the dresser in front of them. "Yeah, you've made that clear the last couple of nights." One more reason he had for wanting to banish the specters from his bedroom. They were seriously hampering his sex life…his very active sex life until recently, thank you very much.

"I haven't liked it any better than you have," JJ reminded her husband as she met his eyes in the mirror's reflection.

"I know," Dave muttered, taking the lighter from her hands and flicking it over the wick of one of the candles, the orange flame igniting the tip. Repeating the process with the second candle, he asked, "Do I light that, too?" he asked, pointing the lighter at the bowl of dried sage.

"Yeah, we're supposed to walk around the room with it. It's supposed to act as a cleanser for any negative energy," JJ explained. "Weren't you listening downstairs?" she admonished as he set the flame to the herb inside the dish.

"As little as possible," Dave mumbled. Coughing as a stream of smoke wafted through the air, he snorted. "This crap is supposed to clean the room? My God, JJ, this stuff smells like crap! Maybe the spirits leave in self-defense. I'd sure the hell like to evacuate."

Waving her hand over the burning sage, JJ lifted the dish and began walking around the room. "The odor is a small price to pay if this actually works," she informed him over her shoulder. "Cmon, Dave. Pour your bag into that other dish and light it. We've got to at least try things Madame's way. What could it hurt?"

Somewhere in the Hereafter, he sensed his mother glaring down on him in disapproval and his father cackling behind her. Sofia Rossi had raised her children to know a hoax when they spotted one, and this very definitely would qualify in her book. Whatever weird voodoo magic this was, he knew she'd deem it insensible.

But his wife's expectant gaze propelled him onward and he dumped his own plastic baggy into a bowl and lit it quickly before he could change his mind. "Fine," he growled, turning toward her with his own bowl in hand, "but if anybody starts talking in tongues, I'm outta here!"

"Deal," JJ quickly agreed as the lights flickered ominously around them. Lifting her eyes toward the ceiling, JJ swallowed. "I think it's working."

Rolling his eyes, Dave shook his head. "I think we need an electrician."


	8. Chapter 8

_**SPECIAL NOTE: SEPTEMBER signups are now open through AUGUST, 31, 2012 for the "THE MIX n MATCH CHALLENGE!" Details can be found at the forum. **_

_**Also, new chapters to "Touched by an Angel" and "You Found Me" have been posted at The Writers Coffee Shop (TWCS) for those following those stories. Links to that site can be found on my profile.**_

_**AND NOW THE BIG NEWS- THE AWARDS SEASON HAS COMMENCED! Nominations have opened for the third annual Profiler's Choice Awards for Criminal Minds' fandom! Please visit Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum for the nomination ballot, rules and guidelines and category definitions. Please review ALL information BEFORE submitting your nomination ballot. Ilovetvalot, Tonnie2001969, and HXChick are NOT eligible for ANY awards.**_

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Eight**

Shaking her head wildly at her husband's dry observation, JJ cocked one hand on her hips as she warned him sharply, "Don't discount this, Dave! We've got to believe something will work, don't we?"

The door opened with a crackling sound just then, and JJ let out a muffled scream as she literally bounced toward her husband's safe arms. Chuckling as he pulled her close, he rolled his eyes at the newcomers to their bedroom. "Jen, honey, I promise this time the pain in our butts are human. It's just the fruit loop and her fruit loopette."

Stomping into the oversized room, Madame Crystallique arched her dark brow as she swayed from side to side, the beads on her dress clanking loudly. "There is dark energy in this room that must be dissipated before we can hope to accomplish any further cleansing."

"And I think she's talking about you, Agent Dark and Disagreeable," Penelope added, wrinkling her nose as she shook her head. "You're not helping my little gumdrop with your negative thoughts!"

Coughing as the spiritualist waved a wide smoking branch in his direction, Dave waved his hand in front of his face, swatting the plant. "Negative is a kind word to describe what I'm thinking right now, Garcia. I'm up to my eyeballs in hokum and malarkey." Feeling his wife stiffen at his side as her elbow landed against his ribs, he added quickly, "Which is to say that if this is what it takes, I'm in it for the long run."

"Madame? You truly sense something?" JJ asked fearfully, gripping Dave's hand in a death grip. "Is it evil? Could it harm us?"

Inhaling deeply, the spiritual woman closed her eyes.

"What's she doing?" Dave asked, cocking his head as he stared at the supposed cosmic cleaner. "Is she going into some kind of trance? Because honest to God, I'm not sure homeowner's covers lawsuits where I'm sued for demonic possession."

"She's communing with the elements," Garcia hissed, giving Rossi a severe look.

"Something in this room is blocking my spiritual light," Crystallique murmured, cracking open one eye to offering Dave a pointed look.

"What?" Dave yelped, rolling his eyes as he took an involuntary step back as she opened the other eye and glared in his direction. "Is my aura in your way?"

"It eclipses my light," Crystallique accused him, staring at him with unblinking eyes. "You must try to believe, Agent Rossi."

"I do," Dave muttered. "I believe that I'm aiding and abetting the con of the century. Penelope, I thought Reid was accompanying the soothsayer around the house," he said when Garcia began to tap her foot impatiently. "He is…or was."

"The young one's questions were disrupting my concentration," Crystallique explained, pausing for a moment to hack loudly. "I suggested Penelope take his place."

"He's helping Derek cleanse the guest room now," Penelope added helpfully with a waving hand toward the hallway.

"You gave the klutz a lighter and some dried leaves in my house?" Dave balked. "Great," he growled darkly. "At least, I'm fairly sure we're covered if he sets the joint on fire."

"Morgan is handling the matches," Pen retorted. "I'm not completely clueless, Agent Inquisitive."

"Forgive me for not wanting to go down in a pile of burning rubble," Dave retorted gruffly. "Look, maybe I should just take me and my aura and go stand over in the corner."

"Excellent idea," JJ remarked, offering her husband a helpful shove in the general direction before turning her attention back to the woman in front of her.

"Oh, I wouldn't choose that particular corner of the room, Agent Rossi," Crystallique commented, shaking her head again. "It's not exactly what you would call vacant."

"Pardon me?" Dave asked, staring at the seemingly empty corner of the room.

"It's occupied," Crystallique remarked.

Stomping to the corner of the room, Dave turned and looked at the crazy woman. "There's nothing here, lady," he shouted, holding his arms aloft. "Just me."

"You're wrong," Crystallique countered. "There is a balding apparition named Marcus standing in that corner, and you are currently stomping on his foot. While the spirit can no longer feel pain, he does feel it's in poor taste for you to be standing on top of him. I'd recommend you move. Now," she directed as the lights flickered around them again.

Hopping out of the corner, Dave glared at the woman determined to upend his life as the other two women gaped in surprise. "Would you mind asking old Marcus what he plans on contributing to this month's mortgage payment?"

Merely blinking at the snarling man in front of her, Crystallique smiled mildly. "I'd be pleased to pass any messages you like, but if you'd like to use my medium services, we'll need to renegotiate your fee."

"What?" Dave yelped.

"Conversing with the departed requires a great deal more of my spiritual energy, Agent Rossi. Adjustments in my compensation will need to be made."

"He'll pay it!" JJ agreed before Dave could reply. "Any price you name, Madame Crystallique! Just tell me that you can reason with these spirits."

"Reason with them? You want to negotiate with a freaking ghost, JJ?" Dave asked in horrified fascination.

"Not just _a_ ghost," Madame Crystallique informed him grimly. "According to Marcus," she said, gesturing toward the empty corner, "He is not the only spirit inhabiting your home."

"I _knew_ it," JJ breathed, nodding continuously. "I knew that there was more than one."

"Yes," Crystallique agreed, glancing at the corner again. "Marcus says that there are four other apparitions. " Listening intently to a voice only she appeared to hear, she turned her eyes back to JJ. "And he'd like to apologize on their behalf. Apparently two of them are discontented souls. He'd like you to know he was not the one to interrupt your…ehrmmm…Bedroom Olympics last Thursday night. It's a shame that Agent Rossi couldn't achieve liftoff. He really was rooting for you."

Jaw dropping as his cheeks flushed, Dave barked, "How the hell did you know about that?" Glaring at JJ, Dave growled, "Have you been talking to Garcia about our sex life again?"

"Of course not!" JJ retorted.

"But I'm thinking you really should, Peaches," Garcia commented as she giggled. "Maybe we could find the Italian Domino some inspirational material to help achieve launch."

"I was _tired_," Dave muttered. "And Jen was nervous about being watched. All that distraction would affect any guy."

"Of course it would," JJ soothed, crossing the room to rub her husband's arm consolingly. "I'm sure that it's just the stress."

"Still doesn't explain how she knew about it," Dave grumbled, somewhat mollified by his wife's comforting touch.

"That's a simple enough explanation," Crystallique returned with a long suffering sigh. "Marcus told me."


	9. Chapter 9

_**SPECIAL NOTE: AND NOW THE BIG NEWS- THE AWARDS SEASON HAS COMMENCED! Nominations have opened for the third annual Profiler's Choice Awards for Criminal Minds' fandom! Please visit Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum for the nomination ballot, rules and guidelines and category definitions. Please review ALL information BEFORE submitting your nomination ballot. Ilovetvalot, Tonnie2001969, and HXChick are NOT eligible for ANY awards. PLEASE COME BY THE FORUM AND TAKE A LOOK. EVERY NOMINATION BALLOT IS IMPORTANT!**_

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**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Nine**

"What else is he saying?" Penelope demanded with an awestruck smile as she stepped closer to the medium. "He's got to have some more juicy tidbits about the couple du jour, doesn't he?"

"He can keep his tids and his bits to himself," Dave ordered sharply, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at the living women in his room and then focused an equally ferocious look on the apparently not-so-empty corner. Leave it to Garcia to want to have an in depth discussion with a non-existent specter, he thought irritably. "All I need is a blabbermouth ghost telling supernatural secrets about my wife and me!"

Madame Crystallique turned on her heel as she said sharply, "Now you've upset him, Agent Rossi! Marcus is no longer willing to speak to us until you apologize."

The ghost was going to give him the silent treatment? Seriously? After he'd suffered the rattles and rolls of the restless spooks for weeks?

The roar that escaped then was almost enough to rattle the glass windows. "APOLOGIZE?" Dave shouted, his face reddening to an even deeper shade of crimson, if that was even possible. "TO A NON-EXISTING GHOST? You can tell Casper he can kiss my ass!"

"I will not," the spiritualist informed him haughtily, crossing her arms over her ample bosom. "He believes in you and he expects the same courtesy in return from you," Crystallique responded with a shrug as she merely waited for Dave to calm down. "All he is asking for is the same respect from you that you would give a corporeal being. He and I, quite honestly, do not believe that it is too much to ask." Tapping her fingers against her arm, the beads on her dress rattling in synchronization, she intoned, "He's wai-ting."

Planting her elbow firmly in her husband's lower ribs, JJ muttered through ground teeth, "Dave, would you please make nice with the invisible man in the corner before he happens to share any more about our sex life!"

"I'm being blackmailed by a puff of air," Dave ground out, glancing down at his wife's stormy face and letting out a sigh. What the hell, he thought in resignation. He'd already chipped in for the greatest rip off since pet rocks. He might as well get the full effect for his dollar after all. "Look," he said gruffly as he took JJ's hand, "Tell Malcolm that I'm sorry."

"Marcus!" JJ, Penelope and Crystallique retorted in unison.

Closing his eyes as he mentally consigned himself to living out his own rousing rendition of a B-rated horror flick, Dave clenched his jaw as he stated, "Fine! Tell _Marcus_ that I apologize. For my lack of manners, for my obvious doubts and for stupidly stumbling into his spiritual home."

"He hears you, Agent Rossi," Crystallique said with an approving smile. "And he accepts your apology even if he believes that, perhaps, you are laying it on a bit thick."

"I'm just trying to be all inclusive," he remarked tightly, his hand gripping JJ's now. "Look, can't you just do whatever the voodoo is that you do and get Marcus and his pals moving into the light?"

"I'm a medium, Agent Rossi," Crystallique began, unperturbed by the glare he leveled her with. "This means that I can communicate with the dead. I don't have the ability to move theminto another realm of consciousness unless they choose to go."

"Wait a second," Dave interrupted, waving a hand in the air. "I thought you billed yourself as a cosmic cleanser, lady….capable of cleaning out even the dirtiest spirits from a home. Now, you're telling me that as a medium, you can't?"

Clearing her throat, Crystallique brushed past Dave to perch on the edge of his bed, crossing her legs daintily as she faced the trio in front of her. "It's complicated," she began, looking at each face in turn. "I can push these lost souls out of your home, but I want you to understand…it would be cruel. This is their home as much as it is yours. These aren't malicious presences. Well, most of them aren't," she added as she frowned, cocking her head as she stared into the corner again and nodded. "Expelling these spirits from this structure would be the equivalent to making them homeless. I can do it, but I need you to fully grasp the implications of what you would be doing."

Swallowing, JJ took a step forward. "When you put it in that context…"

Jaw dropping, Dave turned to look at JJ incredulously. He _knew_ that look. He'd seen it before when she looked at abandoned puppies. That look was why they now had three cats and two dogs.

He was not about to adopt any stray ghosts and add them to the mix!

Sympathy creased her face. And if he didn't act fast, he was as doomed as any of the spirits inhabiting his current home. "Jen….this isn't a cute little puppy that we're talking about. It's four disembodied spirits."

"Five," Garcia corrected with a smile.

Dave frowned as he glanced over his shoulder in exasperation. "Pardon?"

"It's _five_ ghosties, SuperAgent."

"That's even worse," he groaned, looking at his wife. "JJ, I'm not going to curb my enthusiasm for our marital bed just to satisfy this woman's deranged desire to have us all live in happy harmony!" he growled.

"I'm sure that there is a compromise that can be reached here," Crystallique said with a comforting smile at JJ.

Cursing silently, Dave recognized that the con artist in front of him knew her audience well. His wife was the weakest link here. And Madame Malevolent was determined to exploit her. "It was my understanding that I was paying you a hefty sum of money to eliminate our problem here."

Lifting an eyebrow as she shifted her gaze to him, Crystallique lifted her chin. "Eliminate, yes. But not necessarily eradicate. There are many ways to solve a problem, Agent Rossi."

Shaking his head, Dave's annoyance grew exponentially. Now the crazy broad was resorting to fortune cookie wisdom? Was she kidding him?

"Marcus is conveying to me that he'd like to convene a meeting in your living room to explain a few things to you, JJ. Perhaps, you'd consent to this?" she asked hopefully.

Jerking his gaze to his wife's face, Dave watched her nod eagerly. Grabbing her arm, he pulled her to him. "Honey, would you think about this? You want to sit downstairs and talk to invisible people," he said slowly, enunciating every syllable as he willed her to see his point of view. "Does that sound like a rational idea to you?"

"I'm keeping an open mind, Dave," JJ replied forcefully, wrinkling her nose as she glared at her obviously crazed husband. "I suggest you do the same," she recommended before shaking off his grip on her and extending a hand to the so-called answer to their prayers. "I'd love to hear anything our guests have to say."


	10. Chapter 10

**A couple of important notes for today, readers. First, there are officially two weeks left to nominate your favorite authors and stories for the 2012 Criminal Minds Profilers Choice Awards hosted by the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. The nomination ballot, rules, and category list can be found there. A link is provided on my profile page.**

**Also, Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum has also commenced the signups for our December challenge - the fandom's annual Christmas Gift Fic Exchange. If you are interested in passing along some Holiday joy, please swing by and sign up. Stories are the gifts that keep on giving. Please give this one a try.**

**As always, thanks to everyone that continues to read our stories!**

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Ten**

Five minutes later, David Rossi found himself involved in the most insane, if not outright outrageous, situation of his considerable five decades. He'd managed to make it through the previous half-century without so much as a passing nod to anyone other than the flesh-and-blood beings that he was certain were part of the here and now. Other than the debunking of myths and unmasking of fakers along the way that had attempted to parlay the demonic into a reason for their own psychotic behaviors, he'd never given so much as a passing thought to the concept of inhabitants on the ethereal plane.

That was, until now. Now, he was being subjected to what was quickly appearing to be more and more like the Hollywood version of a bad B-movie god-damned séance. And he was the financial backer for the entire convoluted charade.

He'd followed the so-called medium's commands and made his way to the living room like a good Catholic school boy. He'd even bitten his tongue when the charlatan had suddenly declared that they would be playing the cosmic version of the quiet game, and had watched with silent lips as she had made herself at home in his favorite recliner and proceeded to close her eyes.

But when he heard her snoring….now that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Glancing around his packed living room, Dave growled under his breath as he demanded, "Would someone tell me exactly why we have to sit here in silence? I thought the purpose of this little soiree was to get the ghosts gabbing and going!"

"Shhhh," JJ hushed her husband, nailing his sternum with a shot of her pointed elbow. "Don't disturb her!" she hissed as the man in question doubled over.

Penelope shook her head at Rossi as Aaron helped his friend into the nearest chair. "Don't you know _anything_, Agent Clueless?" She has to garner her strength to commune with the departed."

"I'd say that Rossi is pretty close to joining the residents of this house in the hereafter if he doesn't learn to keep his trap shut," Morgan theorized from his position in the corner, silently unwilling to move and draw anybody's fire. Who the freak thought it was a good idea to strike up a dialogue with the invisible inhabitants of this home? Not him, that was for damn sure. Live and let live, that was his motto…and his creed applied to the living _and_ the dead. If he wasn't sure that his Baby Girl would cripple him, he'd have already left skid marks on his way out the door.

"How do you feel about this little experience, Reid?" Emily asked the tall man beside her as she looked dispassionately around the room. Personally, she was almost entirely certain this was a waste of her time and Dave's money. But, she was nothing if not a loyal friend. If JJ was convinced that this could work, she'd give it a fair shot and endeavor to keep an open mind.

"Actually, I'm quite invigorated," Reid replied enthusiastically, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "I've never witnessed an authentic supernatural séance before tonight. I'm very interested in the elements of an astral plane. This could make a very interesting topic for a scientific paper."

"You intend to debunk some myths?" Emily murmured with a faint smile.

"I intend to present the facts in an impartial account of whatever events unfold," Reid returned, turning to cock his head at Emily. "You have doubts about the validity of Madame Crystallique's abilities?"

"You don't?" Emily asked, her astonishment clearly written across her face. "You mean you _don't _think this is some kind of elaborate hoax?"

Considering the question, Reid shook his head briefly. "I honestly haven't drawn any conclusions yet. But, I'm definitely looking forward to the experience."

"I think you might be the only one excited then, Spencer," Aaron remarked, joining the discussion in the corner. "Morgan looks like he might bolt at any moment," he said with a nod toward the uncomfortable, sweating man in the corner. "JJ's going to wear a hole in the carpet before Madame Crystallique manages to find the energy to resume the show. Penelope is virtually vibrating out of her skin. Emily, here," he said, touching the raven haired agent's elbow lightly, "has already threatened to stage a break for it three times. And Dave," he chuckled with a look at his still wheezing best friend, "is on the verge of a stroke, I believe."

"And you, Hotch?" Reid asked eagerly. "What do you think about this?"

"Are you kidding?" Emily giggled. "Of course Hotch is going to be a doubting Thomas," she declared with a roll of her eyes.

Lifting his eyebrows as he looked at his colleague. "Actually, I _do_ believe in ghosts."

"You're kidding!" Emily replied, gaping at her stoic boss. "_You_ actually buy into this hocus pocus? You? Of all people?"

Shrugging, Aaron dropped his hands in his pockets as he moved to lean against the wall behind him. "I'm not saying that there's a ghost or ghosts, as the case may be, _here_. I have no idea. But, when I was twelve, I saw the ghost of my grandfather after his funeral. He waved goodbye to me."

Blinking, Emily shook her head after a second. "Hotch, you were a grieving kid. You were probably daydreaming."

Cocking one eyebrow at the doubtful woman, he asked, "Do I seem to you like I might have ever been a fanciful child, Prentiss?"

"Well, no," Emily admitted after a second.

"I know what I saw," Hotch stated simply. "My grandfather was walking through the house like he was taking a last look around at everything. I clearly remember standing at the stop of the stairs when he turned and looked up at me and waved. It was him, and he was saying goodbye."

"And then what happened?" Reid asked excitedly.

Glancing at the younger man, Aaron replied, "He disappeared. His image just faded. Then he was gone. I never saw him again."

"Many departed souls have one last look about before they move into the light," Madame Crystallique offered with a yawn as she slowly opened her eyes and looked around the room. "It's their form of closure," she explained, slowly straightening in the recliner. Looking around at the gathered faces, she smiled, her gold tooth glittering in the lamplight. "I believe I've had enough rest to continue, my friends."

* * *

**And one last special note to our readers:**

We invite you to check out the newest Kindle publications….**The Estate** and **Inescapable Eye of the Storm **(written by Sarah O'Rourke – the alter ego of ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969!) If you're looking for a sexy romp in the fiction world, then these books are for you.

When desire meets delicious depravity, the only place to be is at **The Estate.** This multi-chapter story draws you into the secretive world of hedonism among the social elite...and refuses to let you leave until you have experienced all the delicious depravity that The Estate has to offer. **Inescapable Eye of the Storm** is the first in a series of FOUR books that will draw the reader into the erotic yet chaos-filled world Abigail Donovan and Colin Storm – and each of them finds out that the storm on the inside is far more dangerous than anything Mother Nature could throw their way!

Both books are available on Amazon/Kindle – just search for Sarah O'Rourke! Check out the author's Facebook page at .com (slash) .507. A link is provided on our profile pages here at fanfiction!


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: We wanted to take a quick second and let everyone know that the FINAL voting ballot of The Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards is up and live at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. Please read all the rules before filling out your ballot.**

**Other activities ongoing at the forum are as follows:**

**Signups for the Christmas Fic Gift Exchange are open through October 31, 2012. Details are on the forum.**

**We have also opened Chat Line threads for various pairings in the CM fandom. If you don't see the pairing you wish to discuss, just shoot me a private message and they'll be added promptly. There is also a thread discussing what viewers think of new profiler, Alex Blake. And finally there is a new thread discussing who your favorite pairings are on Criminal Minds and why.**

**We welcome everyone to swing by Chit Chat on Author's Corner and join the fun.**

**As ever, thank you for reading our work. We truly appreciate each of you.**

* * *

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Eleven**

Rolling his eyes as he grunted, Dave said drily, "I'm so glad you could find the time to renew your strength. How about we get this show on the road so we can get the extraterrestrial moving trucks in gear?"

"The existence of aliens and the existence of the afterlife are not one and same, Mr. Rossi," Crystallique intoned, her beads tinkling as she sat up straight in the chair. "If you wish, I would be glad to extol on the virtues of both entities. Of course, that would be an additional fee for such knowledge."

Reid nodded excitedly as he leaned forward. "I'd be interested!" Eagerly crossing the room to take the seat nearest Madame Crystallique, he murmured as he leaned toward her. "I find all this highly fascinating."

"I bet you do, but not on my dime, you won't, kid," Dave snapped, ignoring JJ's sharpened talons digging deep into his jeans-covered thigh. Leveling a glare on the so-called medium, he demanded, "Next step, lady. I wanna have my house back before nightfall, if you please."

"As you wish." Drawing up to her full height as she rolled her shoulders, Madame Crystallique favored the gathered group with a smile as she reached for the nearby lamp. Clicking the room in the semi-darkness, she motioned around. "Please extinguish the lights, my friends. Our otherworld visitors would prefer to communicate without the interference of alternate energy sources."

"What? The ghosts and ghouls are intimidated by a few creature comforts?" Dave grumbled, his footsteps as heavy as any reluctant child as he stomped toward the light switch.

"It would explain all the problems with the hot water heater, wouldn't it?" JJ asked when her husband rejoined her on the loveseat.

"Actually," Crystallique informed them blandly, her eyes amused as she watched her client's face mottle with unspoken fury, "That would be Edgar. He's rather…."

"Malevolent," Dave growled, throwing his arm around JJ's shoulders as he sprawled back on the small sofa and exchanged an annoyed glance with the silent center of their team. Perfectly composed, Aaron sat with his long legs crossed in the corner of the room, his hands clasped in his lap. Of course, he could afford to be serene…his home hadn't been overtaken by kooks galore. Hell, at the present time, Dave wasn't sure which one was the largest threat to his sanity: his wife, her best friend, or the chick he was paying for the privilege of being "enlightened".

"I would describe him as…precocious," the seer countered evenly, choosing her words carefully in deference for the three spirits lined against the far side of the wall staring at her. It was important to offer as much respect to the dead as was afforded to the living. Corporeal or not, all beings had feelings. Perhaps if the insufferable man glaring at her realized that, he wouldn't be embroiled in his current circumstance. Thankfully, his wife was much more attuned to the subtle nuances that dealing with the dead included, probably due to her background in public relations.

Intelligent woman, obviously. And as long as she kept the husband paying, then all was well in Crystallique's world.

"Children are precocious. Edgar is a pain in the ass. And I thought his name was Marcus anyway," Dave retorted, wondering how many rounds with the charlatan he was going to be forced to endure.

"As I've told you, you have more than once presence," Crystallique replied, raising one eyebrow at the man in front of her. "Now, I think, perhaps, I need to begin with giving you some background on the home you've chosen to reside within."

"That would be awesome." Penelope bounced on the arm of the chair she'd perched on. "I love a good history lesson," she added enthusiastically, lightly punching Derek Morgan in the arm.

"Mama, I don't really think you need me for this portion of the program," Morgan replied, looking warily around the darkened room. "This really ain't my scene."

"There is nothing to fear here, Agent Morgan," Crystallique assured the young man calmly, offering him a gentle smile. "It is the unknown you fear, my dear."

"No offense, but I've seen this movie. If the house tells _me_ to get out, I'm gone," Morgan said firmly, looking around at his colleagues. "I'd suggest you folks to the same."

"No one wants anyone out of this home…except, perhaps, Edgar. Although, he does have reason to be a little bitter," Crystallique added with a wince. "Everyone is perfectly safe. I promise you that."

"I want that in writing," Derek muttered, gripping Penelope's hand.

"You said something about a history lesson," Emily interjected, trying to steer them back to the subject at hand. "You've done research into this house?"

"Not exactly. The spirits have shared some of that information with me," Crystallique stated, ignoring Emily's small eye roll. "Mrs. Rossi, did you know that your home actually was formerly a rather high-end brothel in the mid-1800s?"

"It was disclosed to us that the house dated back to the early 1800s and had suffered structural damage during a fire, but nobody ever said it was a….a…"

"Whorehouse?" Dave supplied helpfully with a smirk.

The floor beneath their feet vibrated and Madame Crystallique leveled her current employer with a severe look. "You've upset them," she said softly.

Lifting his feet from the floor, Morgan stared beneath his chair wide-eyed. "You just said they couldn't hurt us!"

"I didn't say that you couldn't make them angry," Crystallique returned, her eyes fixed on Rossi's. "I suggest you apologize."

"Dave!" JJ hissed as the walls seemed to tremble. "Do it!"

"Do what?" Dave yelped. "They were whores," he continued defensively. "Women that were paid for sex? What the hell do they want me to call 'em?"

"Do you know any woman, undead or living, that appreciates that word?" Crystallique asked with a pointed look. "They prefer to be called ladies of the evening… consorts… anything, but that word."

"Fine!" Dave huffed. "I apologize for offending the working girls' delicate sensibilities! Both the living ones AND the dead!"

Suddenly, the vibrating ceases and the room was completely silent as the occupants looked at each other.

It was definitely going to be a long evening.

* * *

_**SPECIAL SIDE NOTE – Sarah O'Rourke (the professional pen name that ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 use) has released a NEW book on amazon. Com – Please swing by and check out **__**"The Devil's Snare"**__**. Please check out our other books as well. They are **__**"Inescapable Eye of the Storm"**__** and **__**"The Estate"**__** And please feel free to friend Sarah O'Rourke on facebook! **_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Don't forget to vote in this year's Criminal Minds Profilers Choice Awards on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. Time is running out. Also, please check out Sarah O'Rourke's books (our professional name) on Amazon. Com! Friend her (and Ilovetvalot Fanfiction) today at Facebook. Com.**_

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Twelve**

"Now that was impressive," Penelope chirped, her eyes widening comically as she glanced around the room, searching for some physical sign to confirm her hopes.

Rolling his eyes as he drew Jennifer closer, David grunted, "What it was qualified as an overly dramatic display of what we've been living with for months. Can we just get on with this without any more parlor games?"

Crystallique narrowed her eyes once again as she focused her gaze on the man obviously intent on causing a multi-plane spiritual war. "Your guests are not performing for your entertainment. Rather, they are expressing their displeasure at your lack of understanding and tolerance for their situation."

Waving his hand in the air, Dave retorted, "I think that they all made their choices without asking my opinion a few decades ago, thank you very much. Now it's time for me to make my choices! I say that you do whatever voodoo it is that you do and eject them from the house that I have paid for, damn it!"

"Dave, would you please just listen to the options we have before us?" JJ asked as she turned, pressing her hand against her husband's chest. Leaning closer, she lowered her voice as she added, ominously, "And if you'd ever like this house to see anything close to what it once was well known for, then you'll think twice before opening your mouth again. Got it?"

Sighing as he saw the determined set to his wife's eyes, Dave nodded as he muttered, "But I'm gonna hold you to that, babe. As soon as our house is ghost free, you and I are gonna make up for lost time."

"Well, I wouldn't be so quick to think you two might be the only inhabitants in the future," Crystallique interrupted, her eyebrow arching as she seemed to focus her gaze on the far corner. "It sounds as if at least one of our friends wishes to maintain his residence in this plane. He's grown fond of this location, and has no plans of trying to find alternate housing, so to speak."

"Oh, for cryin' out…"

"Dave, hush," JJ hissed. "Why?" she asked, directing the question toward the woman in the center of the room. "What is so special about this place to these ghosts? Their lives met tragic ends here. I'd think they'd be anxious to escape it, to move on and find whatever the afterlife has in store for them. It _has _to be more satisfying to them than what they've experienced here, doesn't it?"

"I agree," Emily concurred, becoming interested in the conversation. "Wouldn't this home hold so many bad memories that they'd be desperate to move on to whatever plane of existence is available to them?

"The departed are not so very different from the living…in fact, they were, indeed, once very much obviously alive. And as you know, fear of change… of the unknown isn't an uncommon anomaly. And these spirits made a pact after their passing…"

"A death pact? Seriously?" Morgan choked, his eyes widening as he stared in shock.

"More like an un-dead pact, sounds like," Emily grunted, rolling her eyes in response.

"More like these spirits have spent centuries together and have developed ties to each other that _none_ of you can understand," Madame countered staunchly, condemning the two individuals with her gaze.

"Who exactly _are _these ghosts?" Reid asked. "Did they die together or at different times?"

Cocking her head as she stared at a point just above the young genius' shoulder, Madame smiled at Spencer. "Now, that is an intelligent question. Four of the departed souls inhabiting his home did in the brothel's fire. Marcus, Shiloh, and Clara were all employees. Marcus, the gentleman guiding discussions with the disembodied souls, was a freed slave working here as a sort of houseboy and bouncer. Shiloh and Clara, of course were entertainers of gentlemen callers. And Boots McKenzie was a patron the night of the fire."

"And the other ghost?" Hotch queried quietly, raising an eyebrow in interest. "You know, the one that wasn't killed in the fire?"

"That would be Mrs. Betts. Lovely aura." The seer smiled serenely. "A nice light purple. She died in the early seventies of an arrhythmia in her sleep. Evidently some of Boots' antics the previous day caused a slightly premature heart attack."

"So, these ghosts ARE capable of causing bodily harm," Dave accused, jabbing a finger toward Madame Crystallique.

"Mrs. Betts heart had been failing for quite some time, Agent Rossi. Boots did not _cause_ the event. He simply…hastened it."

"Yeah, that sounds like a huge difference," Dave retorted sarcastically.

"She was ninety-seven and had lived in happy harmony with the four spirits for three decades before her demise," Crystallique hastened to add. "She is quite pleased with their company now as well. It's why she has repeatedly ignored the light. She simply enjoys their company more. Well, except for Boots. He is the entity primarily causing the disruptions."

"Fine, so what is this Boots' beef?" Dave asked grumpily. "He died doin' something I'd imagine he was having a hell of a good time doing if Shiloh or Clara was any good at their job."

"Actually, no. The entertainment portion of the program had been completed when the cry of "Fire!" sounded through the house. Clara and Shiloh were best friends, and Shiloh knew that Clara was a deep sleeper and would never wake up to hear the warning. She ran out of the room to try to rouse her sleeping friend, leaving Boots to escape on his own. Except…," Crystallique's voice trailed off.

"Except what?" Penelope prodded, leaning forward eagerly in her chair.

Clearing her throat delicately, Madame continued, "It would seem that Boots encountered a problem when he tried to leave the bed."

"Now, this I gotta hear," Morgan replied, now enthralled by the compelling tale the woman was weaving.

"Well, his spurs got tangled in the bed linens. Boots fell and hit his head, leaving him unconscious. Marcus tried to get the girls out, risking and losing his own life in the process. The fire consumed the house and they were trapped on the second floor when the staircase gave way, plummeting them to what was, thankfully, an instant death. So, you see, these were perfectly innocent…or mostly innocent individuals taken violently well before their time on earth should have ended. Feeling any sympathy now, Agent Rossi?"


	13. Chapter 13

_**There are TWO days left to vote for your favorite stories nominated for the 2012 Profilers Choice Criminal Minds Awards at Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. Please remember to PM all voting ballots to the correct private message box listed in our rules. Thanks.**_

**666 Mockingbird Lane**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Incredible," Dave muttered as he gaped. This crazy woman was making _him_ into the bad guy and turning the room against him in the process. She was good. He'd give her that much. "You're trying to make me feel bad for the ghosts that are wreaking havoc on my life? Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack," Crystallique retorted, lifting her chin defiantly. "The way I see it, you've got one up on all of them. You, at least, are still _alive_."

"For the moment," JJ grumbled, casting Dave another glare that spoke volumes.

Lips twitching at JJ's remark, Crystallique nodded approvingly. "It would be my professional suggestion that perhaps you try to strike a balance with the entities. Broker a truce of sorts, yes?" she suggested, directing the question at JJ.

"Do you think they'd be willing?" JJ asked earnestly, scooting to sit at the edge of the sofa. "I'd hate to displace spirits that have already traumatized. Honestly, they were just unfortunate victims. They already had to forfeit their lives. They shouldn't be forced to give up the only home they know before they're ready to leave."

"I agree," Penelope stated, nodding her own head up and down enthusiastically. "Completely agree, Peaches."

"You don't even live here," Dave yelped, shifting his gaze to Garcia. "Jennifer, are you even listening to yourself right now?" he asked, turning his head toward his wife.

"I'm sure between all of us that we can come up with an amicable solution," Crystallique continued optimistically, studiously ignoring Rossi's comments. "As a mediator, I can work out terms that will satisfy both the living and the departed. If you are willing, that is. Of course, those services are not reflected in my earlier quote and estimate. Therefore, I'll charge for those additional services."

"Of course she will," Dave mumbled with a disbelieving shake of his head. "Lady, you are a piece of work."

"Dave," JJ and Garcia hissed in unison. It was abundantly clear that both women were equally enraged by his uncooperative attitude.

Looking around the room for some form of assistance, Rossi came up empty. His entire team seemed to have averted their eyes. "Oh, c'mon," he growled. "You people can't actually agree with this!" he accused them indignantly. "Hotch? Emily?" Turning to Spencer, he leaned forward to slap the man's arm sharply. "Hey! You! You're a man of science, Reid. A freakin' doctor, for cryin' out loud. You can't honestly say that you see the point in all this mumbo jumbo, can you?"

"Even in science, there are anomalies that cannot be explained. The paranormal interests scholarly minds, too, Agent Rossi. Did you know that scientifically there is a measurable weight loss at death? Many academics attribute this to the soul leaving the body. Who knows where that energy goes? It seems reasonable that a certain percentage of those individual's auras would stay right here."

"In _my_ house? I don't think so," Dave grunted. "They can just move one house that way," he ordered, jerking his thumb in the direction of their nearest neighbor.

"I don't think that's how it works, man," Morgan said doubtfully.

"So, now you're a spook expert, too?" Dave returned sarcastically. "How much are _you_ gonna charge me for your advice?"

Holding up his hands in front of him, Derek shook his head. "Just tryin' to help, Rossi. Chill."

"Chill?" Dave repeated. "Aaron, would you please offer some assistance over here. Tell JJ that we're getting taken for a long, painful ride here."

"I prefer to remain silent, thanks all the same," Hotch hedged when JJ shot him a fierce look that plainly dared him to take her husband's side.

"Emily?" Dave pleaded, looking at his last and most skeptical resort.

"Sorry, Dave," Emily apologized. "Not even I am willing to side with you where those two ladies are concerned," she remarked, gesturing toward JJ and Garcia.

"I knew I should have just called a priest," Dave muttered to himself, rising to pace the carpet. "Father Jimmy would have just blessed my house, extracted an offering, and been on his merry Catholic way.

"Coulda, shoulda, woulda, man," Morgan intoned as he grimaced. "Whatcha gonna do?" he asked with a commiserative shrug of his broad shoulders.

"I'll tell you what he's going to do," JJ replied, snagging Dave's arm and pulling him back into the seat beside her. "My husband is going to sit right here and help me negotiate a peace treaty with the Great Beyond. Isn't that right, Dave?" she asked narrowly.

JJ watched as indecision flashed behind his dark eyes and she tightened her hold on his wrist. "Just nod your head in affirmation, David," she snapped testily. "I want my house back, but I don't necessarily feel right about dispelling five innocent souls from the only home they know. So, we're _doing_ this, _aren't we_?"

The lights dimmed and flickered inside the still room as Dave tried to form words. It was clear that his ghostly counterparts supported his determined wife's position. Either he could get on board, or very likely he'd go under the bus.

Ever a smart man, he chose the less violent route.

Four hours later, Crystallique had hammered out a peace pact that put the Treaty of Versailles to shame. True, his bank account was two thousand dollars lighter, but it was a small price to pay for watching his wife crack her first genuine smile in weeks.

The team had gone, and with them, so had the voodoo priestess fled, his check tucked tightly in the ample bodice of her dress and her promise of a thirty day guarantee hanging between them.

"Do you hear that, Dave?" JJ whispered as he followed her into their bedroom after they'd seen the last of their team out the door.

Halting in the center of his bedroom, he strained his ears for some sound of trouble. "No," he replied slowly. "What do you think you hear?"

"Nothing!" JJ squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Only the sweet sounds of silence! For the first time in forever! No creaking doors, no noises in the walls, no rusty pipes clanking! Absolutely nothing!"

"Let's just hope it lasts," Dave murmured. "At least for the five nights a week we get." He'd conceded two evenings a week where the spirits could get their ghoul on without fear of repercussions.

"Hey, even on those two nights, you navigated a no-spooks zone in our bedroom. That was quick thinking," she praised, brushing a kiss against his whiskered jaw.

"And the future nursery," Dave commented proudly. "I ought to get double points for thinking ahead," he pointed out with a lascivious smile.

"Yes, you do," JJ agreed happily as the lamps suddenly extinguished and the room was pitched into darkness. "I think our houseguests approve of the nursery plan," she whispered.

Tossing his giggling wife to the center of the bed, Dave followed her down. "For once, the ghosts and I are in complete agreement," Dave muttered against her mouth.

And for the first time in several decades, all souls, living and departed alike, were at peace on 666 Mockingbird Lane.

_**finis**_


End file.
